Next year my eldest is entering college. It's her dream (and her parents' too, I'm not ashamed to admit) to go to college in the US. For a while, we've been discussing endlessly about her preparation, her choice of major. Amid these discussions, we talked about how she needs to be careful in relating to her college mates, particularly boys (as you've probably guessed!). Living in Indonesia, we discussed this with other relatives. My parents suggested us to make clear points to our daughter, would she be allowed to have boyfriend, if we allow her, then we need to tell her things that she can do in details (touching hands, kissing, etc.).
So, one of my relatives said that girls need to be really careful. I forgot if he said having a boyfriend was ok/not. Especially things that connected with sex. I agree with him basically. What I don't agree is the REASON that he gave as to why girls need to be careful.
For guys (he said) it is all just a game. Guys don't want relationships. Once they "got" a girl, they would discard her. Behind the girls' backs guys compare girls like they compare sports teams. And they compare their "scores". That's why girls shouldn't trust guys so that they wouldn't have heartbreak or worse, get pregnant/STD.
As I said before, I agree that girls should be careful. But, it's both ways. Guys have to be careful too. This relative makes it sound like that girls are as fragile as crystal. Girls today are not that fragile. To me it sounds like it's undermining girls. (And to think that he has 3 girls!) Girls do need to be cautious and aware. But not that cautious that they miss experiences, or worse, they said one thing to their parents and did the opposite. I think that good and not so good experiences can be beneficial. They build your personality. Also, I think it's never wise to say not to do this and not to do that to children, especially when you're thousand of miles away.
As parents, we need to support our children with positive words, words of wisdom and encouragement, not with words that make them paranoid and naive. When our children are overseas (or for that matter living with us) studying, we do need to stress that their study is their first priority. Everything else come second. There are also several practical things that we can advice the children to do:
1. get involved in church (mainstream church)
2. never go to parties alone
3. always hear their "gut" feeling. When their gut says something is not right, they should
leave the situation, etc.
