"You're so stingy!", my mother told me. 'Whatever,' I thought. She had nagged me for some time about giving some money to my uncle, her brother, because he needed it for building his new house. He, well, actually, my aunt, since he had never held on to a job, retired and so had to move out of the company house that they had been living ever since I knew them.
So, they were building this new house, and I've heard from some other family members, it was a pretty big house. My mother, her sister, and another brother of her called the nieces and nephews around and said that we should donate/give some money to this uncle to help. My mother talked about it when we met. Her sister called. My other uncle even came to school (where I teach.
I didn't get it. First, this uncle, and his family, had been living in the company house for ages, and so they had to have saved some money. Second, he has two daughters, both work and have steady jobs (from what I heard). One is already married and seems to be doing fine. Third, he never called and said anything to me, not a word. WHY should I give him money?
My husband and I have agreed that other than the children, we would be really careful about giving/lending money to relatives/friends.
First, we should ask if it's crucial for them, like for food or children's school. Second, if they borrow, would they really be able to return it? Giving/Lending money is a tricky business, especially in Indonesian culture, where it is so common. You run the risk of being called "stingy" or "arrogant" . In fact, we're already called that. We don't really care, though. We've seen Indo parents who throw away money for relatives for ambiguous purposes (businesses, celebrations), but aren't ready when they retire, or when their children get married (in Indo parents fund their children's weddings) or even when the children need to go to school.
