Last night, I read a message emailed to me by a relative. She's somebody close, or used to be. She had moved far away, and somehow she would made any reason not to go back home, even for a short visit. We've been having this three parties conversation online with a mutual friend for some time. Her father had been telling her that people should cut their sleep time because you don't really need that much sleep. She didn't agree with him of course, and I didn't either.
But, by the third exchanges, it seemed that she actually wanted to talk about her father. The sleep time wasn't the issue here. She got a bit emotional talking about what her dad said.
I know her father. He can be overbearing. He only hears what he wants to hear. But, I mean, who's perfect? Nobody's perfect. She's definitely not perfect. Besides, being a parent is one of the most difficult things in the world! There are no guide books, there's no course on it. There's no one proven single formula. And I can't believe that in her age of almost forty she still couldn't accept her father! I felt angry and sad at the same time.
I felt angry because, despite having lived overseas for a long time (you're supposed to be more objective when you are far away, right?), and despite getting the most education, she can not rise above her disagreements with her father and just accept and love her father just the way he is.
Well, last night I wrote to her that she should get past that emotional stage with her dad. I don't want to preach her about acceptance and all that. I know that she would be very defensive.
I also get another idea about all this. Sometimes parents don't realize that what they say and do matter a great, great deal to their children. Or maybe it's easier not to see that? Because when you do realise and understand that, IT IS BIG.
Hi Trin, father daughter relationship, very interesting. If they are still talking to each other, then there is hope. When they only make polite conversation, then there is no hope for a better relationship.
ReplyDeleteI don't know. It seems that at most times they are only making polite conversations. But, what if that most of the father's children only make polite conversations when they see him? You must be thinking,mmm..., then it's the father's fault.
ReplyDeleteBut I still can't understand why she can be very emotional when she's talking about him. I think she wants acceptance, respect, and she doesn't feel that she gets it.
If she is still emotional about it, it means she still wants things to be better between her and her father; that the relationship still matters for her. It's complicated, sigh.
ReplyDelete